Blue Eyes

28 Jun

I love those blue eyes
but hate the way they look at me
I love that set of perfected teeth
That sit behind those lips that sing to me
Wish I could trace your face with my fingertips
While you use your angelic voice to speak to me
Wish I could run my hand through your honey blonde curls
As I promise you forever and a day
But how could that happen when I’m so afraid
To speak these words to say
How can I get them beyond the prison walls of my teeth
How could I begin to tell you that I feel these things
After all this time would it put a strain on your friendship and mine
What would happen if you felt the same way too
Would we abandon our friendship
For something more passionate and sweet
Or would we go crashing like a blind bird into a tree
But I love those blue eyes
The way they smile so sweet
And I love those teeth that sit behind the lips that sing to me

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2 Responses to “Blue Eyes”

  1. weekdaypoet June 28, 2010 at 10:58 am #

    Really nice poem. The first few lines really grabbed me emotionally — I also think they were the best lines of the poem and I was happy that they were echoed at the end. “I love those blue eyes/but hate the way they look at me”? I’ve never had that feeling in a romantic situation, but the ones you love the most can also be the most unbearable people on the planet if things aren’t right.

    I thought some of the stuff in the middle was deadweight, giving me info but not really adding to your expression, like “But how could that happen when I’m so afraid/
    To speak these words to say.” The stuff about the prison walls of your teeth said nearly the exact same thing, and it said it ten times better. Same for “After all this time would it put a strain on your friendship and mine” — it’s too prosaic. That being said, I would have a hard time figuring out how to say that “poetically” too, but that’s the sort of stuff we have to figure out, I guess!

    Another part I really liked, though, was “Would we abandon our friendship
    For something more passionate and sweet
    Or would we go crashing like a blind bird into a tree” —
    The contrast there is so awesome, between the sincere straightforwardness, and then the somewhat absurd image (but because it’s absurd it hits hard). Really enjoyed that bit.

    Also loved the focus on the teeth. They’re not the traditional thing to comment on, but that’s the sort of thing that, in real life, you notice and you get attached to.

    So, I really liked, and I look forward to looking at the rest of your blog. Thanks for the read.

    • Adrienne June 28, 2010 at 11:06 am #

      Thank you for the feed back I appreciate it! I will keep this all in mind for my next poem!

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