Change

25 Jan

Pretty soon I am going to be closing down my wordpress and completely moving over to Tumblr…. I ask that you please bare with my transition…. as it may take some time to pick and choose which poems or post I’d like to transfer over.

Hectic Beat

5 Jan

Going deeper into myself yes I’m swimming for clarity again
Seems like this quiet solitude never last a single day
All these energy sucking vampires and I’m constantly their prey
Never understanding why their pulling at me from behind
It’s impossible to see when this tunnel vision is all I find
Just one goal one line that I want to reach
But with every step I take this chain is pulling me back fifty feet
Hold your head child and just continue to be strong
That’s the motto written on the walls that I’m attempting to climb
Yet this rain keeps filling my lungs and drowning my eyes
I can hear that goal he’s whispering my name
If I could only get close to him kiss him and hold him
I feel I’d be ultimately satisfied

I LOVE MEN!

2 Dec

I do not think that there is anything on the face of this earth… excluding my family and myself more then I love men! (Ha a lot of you might ask do I love men more then Jesus then? Ha that is a trick question because he lives and me and since I love myself more…. you just asked a dumb question!) Men are the most beautiful thing God created… and although my women counterparts might be upset with me for saying this yes men you are even more beautiful then us women, well to me any way. Black, White, Puerto Rican, Asian, Caribbean, Dominican, African, European, Hawaiian JUST ALL OF YOU… THANK YOU GOD FOR EVERY SINGLE BEAUTIFUL STRAIGHT MEN IN THE WORLD (I am a bit mad at all of the beautiful gay men because I can’t have any of you :^( You are still beautiful though!)

I stream ustream we all stream lively!

2 Dec

So in the spur of the moment really out of randomness I made a ustream account… actually I already had one that I never used and couldn’t remember the info for so I made another one and I think you should all go and follow me on there.

David and Goliath

1 Dec

I thought you were perfect, thought you were everything
Now all I see you as is a muse to write amazing poetry
It hurt the first time I watched you walk away
Now I realize that it was my pride not my heart asking you to stay
Over and over again I bent so low just to feel you walk over me out of my door
I look at myself now with disgust in my eyes
As I laugh and ask what I saw in that guy
You tried to make me so small and plant me under your feet
I wonder if the whole time you knew you were in my game and it was all irrelevant to me
Doesn’t matter what I say now because my actions gave you the game
Let you play the winning hand while I played a shameful game
There will never be smiles, never be tears, never be regret, never fear
When I think of you everything will be numb
Because the real way to win with you is to show you that I’m having all the fun
And when your cold and lonely at night right there in your bed
Staring at the ceiling  thoughts of me swarming your head
Just remember you made this story be everything it is everything it turned out to be
I’ll never love you
I’ll never speak your name
I’ll never have a thought of you cross my brain
Every shackle you locked me in I managed to break free
Finally realized this is the David and Goliath  of you and me
Your the giant and even though you made me feel so small
I manage to kill the giant and now I feel as though I’m standing 100 feet tall.

Really Looking Forward to 2011

1 Dec

This year 2010 has really been a good year for me, it was the perfect year to find myself. I use to think that I knew myself soooo well only to realize that no one else really knew me at all. The person I was appearing to be on the outside just wasn’t who I am on the inside. My outside person seemed to be rude, stubborn, mean, quiet, and just weird…. while I do admit I can be stubborn at times and mean I find that I feel I am not rude but straight forward, not quiet but reserved, and I find that people telling me that I am weird is just a way to say that they are unable to brighten there horizons as far as I have. There was a lot of things I carried on my back and a few chips on my shoulders when I drug myself into 2010 though and it really took me 90% of this year for me to get them off. Going into 2011 I refuse to take any unnecessary baggage with me, I’m not taking any regrets into next year because I have finally realized that EVERYTHING in my life bad that has happened was God’s way of showing me that what I thought I wanted was so much less then what I actually deserved! I grew a lot this year, overall I personally feel as though I have become a better woman… definitely a happier woman then I was last year really then I’ve been since 2007. I feel like I have been living in a fog, living some one else’s life bearing some one else’s burdens because the mistakes I have alloted and allowed myself to make these past few years couldn’t have been me. I’ve been to the point where I was so disappointed in myself yet so lost in confusion that every time I tried to dig myself out of my hole I only fell in 20 times deeper. I’ve learned to not shoulder blame but instead to accept that my actions are wrong make a change for the better and move on. Life is too short for me to sit around waiting for some miraculous sign to drop on my head out of the sky so I am throwing all my preconceived notions about life to the wind and living exactly the way I want to in 2011.

So Over People

27 Nov

There are some people in life that although you love them you really need to keep a distance from them. It’s really hard to tolerate people even when you really love them, especially when they really just have a bad outlook on life. I hate when people think that they can go through life expecting things from every one else, not working hard for anything they have and then have the nerve to call you a hater when you call them out on being a user and abuser. I have decided that there are some people in life that I seriously just want absolutely NOTHING to do with. I really just do not need their negativity, pettiness, or pathetic spirit clouding up my positive happy energy.